Let Me Fall
by KaelynAnne
Summary: When Olivia needed her best friend most he wasn't there for her and now the close friendship they've always shared is threatening to fall apart. Elliot is desperate to fix things between them but will his efforts be enough?


Disclaimer: All characters belong to Dick Wolf.

"Come on, Liv, talk to me." It had been two weeks since Olivia had lost it out in the field and in those same two weeks, she'd barely spoken a word to Elliot. He should have been there for her. He knew it. She knew it. The whole damn sixteenth precinct knew it. He had tried explaining to her but she always cut him off after a couple of words and he couldn't really blame her.

Now he was sitting at his desk in the deserted squad room watching her fill out DD5's. Elliot knew that Olivia hated paperwork as much as he did but he also knew that she would rather fill out forms than talk to him.

"Olivia, I'm sorry. I should have been there."

"Yeah, you should have been there," she agreed, slamming her pen on top of the pile of paperwork and looking up at him. "But you weren't." She stood up, pacing back and forth. "You weren't there when I needed you to be and it hurt, El. I know we can't always be there…" She trailed off, choking back her tears.

"I would have been there but I went to see Kathleen." Elliot felt his heart break as he watched his best friend cry but he kept his distance. She was still angry at him and he knew that getting too close right now would only cause her to shut down. She needed to do this. She'd been holding back for months and she couldn't do it anymore, he just hated that he had been the one to push her over the edge.

"God, Elliot, I was so scared."

"When?" The question was legitimate but it still managed to earn him a glare.

"Sealview and that hotel room."

It was the first time she'd mentioned Sealview with him. He knew something had happened but he wasn't sure what and he didn't want to make her talk about something she wasn't ready to talk about.

"Tell me what happened, Liv. Take your time. Just let me in."

She nodded, still crying, and continued pacing. She had too much nervous energy to sit down and tell Elliot everything that happened. "Sealview was horrible. Going undercover is never easy but I never dreamed it would be that bad and then Harris took me down to that basement."

Olivia stopped pacing and looked at Elliot, but he got the feeling that she wasn't really seeing him. Just by the look in her eyes he knew exactly where she was. She was back in the basement reliving what that son of a bitch had done to her. Her voice broke into his thoughts but she was quieter than he had ever heard her.

"I was already handcuffed when we got down there and then he threw me on the mattress. Somehow I managed to get up but then he grabbed me from behind. I tried to fight him but he forced me against the wall anyway. He pressed his body against mine and I screamed for help but no one could hear me."

When she stopped he saw the haunted look in her eyes and was about to tell her that she didn't have to tell him anymore but then she started talking again. Elliot sat in his chair and listened as she described the details of her experience at Sealview and the breakdown she'd had in the hotel room. By the time she finished, he wanted to kill Lowell Harris and watch him suffer.

Olivia stood in the same spot she had been for the last ten minutes and watched Elliot, tears falling steadily down her cheeks. Finally he looked up at her and she breathed a sigh of relief. One of her biggest fears had been that, for whatever reason, her best friend would think less of her because of what had almost happened. It was irrational, she knew that, but it had been a predominant thought for the last several months and she was glad to know that it was totally unfounded.

Relief flooded through her and before she really knew what was happening, she was sinking to the floor as sobs tore from her throat.

She'd barely touched the floor when Elliot was out of his chair and by her side, pulling her into his lap and running his hand through her hair. He had known as soon as her body went slack with relief what she'd been thinking and he cursed himself for not alleviating her fears sooner.

"Liv, what happened is not your fault. I don't think any less of you because of it. Nothing is ever going to change my opinion of you. Do you understand that?" He had spoken more sharply than he'd intended but he wanted her to understand how serious he was. He felt her nod against his chest and breathed his own sigh of relief.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that but it's over now. He can't hurt you anymore and if he tries I'll kill him myself."

Olivia managed a laugh through her tears and he pressed a kiss into her chestnut hair. "I just hate that you felt like you couldn't talk to me. You're my best friend, Liv. I'll always be here no matter what and anytime you need to talk just let me know."

She started to calm down but he still held her close, knowing she needed the comfort. Olivia was tough but even she needed to vent every once and a while and Elliot was glad he could be the person she turned to when she desperately needed an emotional release.

"Thank you, El," she whispered through her tears.

"You don't have to thank me. This is what best friends are for."

When he heard her breathing even out he called her name softly to make sure she was asleep then carefully stood and carried her up to the cribs.

* * *

Olivia came downstairs three hours later and blinked in surprise when she saw Fin and Munch sitting at their desks. She knew that they had just gone out for lunch earlier but for the first time in months she'd actually managed to sleep and not be plagued by memories of what had happened and what could have happened.

As a result, she had been disoriented when she woke up and she was still trying to find her bearings.

"Hey, sleeping beauty, have a nice nap?" Munch asked.

She simply nodded in response as she moved to pour herself a cup of coffee.

"Liv?" Elliot questioned, his voice edged with concern.

"I'm okay. Just not really awake yet." She took a sip of her coffee and promptly spit it back out. "Damn it, John!"

"What?" he asked innocently.

"How many times have we told you to _never_ make coffee?"

"Hey, don't blame me. Your partner's the one who left me to fend for myself."

Elliot was already smiling apologetically and handing her his cup when she turned to shoot him a death glare.

She gladly took it from him and brought it to her lips, savoring the smooth taste of her favorite blend from the coffee shop she and Elliot frequented. "Thank you," she murmured, holding the warm cup between her hands. "Okay, so besides Munch's coffee what other problems do we have?"

"We just got a call. There's a victim downtown, raped and beaten. Who's catching?" Cragen asked, coming out of his office.

"Me and El," Olivia responded, grabbing her leather jacket as Elliot stood up.

The four male detectives watched her go before Fin, Munch, and Cragen turned to look at Elliot. They didn't know what he had done, but they were all grateful. Olivia Benson was back.


End file.
